My online friend Shannon told me she had a box of boys clothes inthe mail to me but I never dreamed she was sending so much stuff!!! She says there is another one on the way too. Anyway, she sent me some 6-9 month winter stuff and some 12 month summer and some 18 month winter...the way hes going, he will be in the 18 month before winter ends here. BUT, we haven't had much of a winter so he may be in the spring/summer stuff in feb. :p

I weighed him at my parents the other night and he was 18 lbs. He is 26 inches long and only 3 1/2 months old. I know I've said this before, but I can't believe how big he is! Megan was walking when she weighed that much! If it weren't for my sling, I don't know where I would be trying to carry him around and chase after a toddler...up shit creek, thats where! My mom even commented that it was the best thing I owned, she didn't say "he needs to be in the stroller." It amazes her that I can walk around wit him in there while he nurses. I put him in the "kangaroo carry" to decorate the tree at mom's house. He fussed in the seat at first, but he was happy as he could be in the sling and I got so much done. She still thinks that breastfeeding is harder than bottle feeding, but agrees its better. :)

Josh should get to work on the kids activity table tomorrow. I want it to be done. My sister is sending some playmobile toys with our brother for me to set up on it. :) It will be a nie Christmas despite not having the money for anything for me and Josh. We are going to Gatlinburg in Feb, so I should look at that as my present. I should...

I talked Josh last night into staying home this morning instead of going out to breakfast with his friends (who he went out to lunch with this week). Anyway, I told him to get me up and I would fix something. At 8:30 he came in the room and said he wanted to let me sleep. He left for work. Apparently he heard me fighting with Megan last night. Lately she isn't eating dinner, gets a small snack at bedtime and then gets hungry by 3 or 4 and then bugs me to nurse all night cause shes hungry.

I'll spare you hearing about how I really feel today and just say it sucks to be poor. Josh, bless his heart (a nice southern phrase), came home down last night. He started telling me about how he doesn't feel like the dealership is as great as it started out as. Things are dipping again sales-wise and the owner cut the profits in half. So now, they make half as much on fewer vehicles. SIGH We will more than likely file Ch. 7 in January and he said then he was going to seriously look at getting out of the car business which bums him because he really loves it. His future goal is to be in real estate. Not, as an agent, but as a buyer/seller. Hes been reading some books and it seems that is where the real money is made. I don't know what he will do in the meantime, I don't know what hes qualified to do...hes been in the car industry for almost 4 years now. I hate to see my husband down, and its worse when its because you've asked how his day went. :( He hugged me and told me he was sorry that I married him and gave him 2 beautiful children and he has made us poor. SOB! One day at a time.

He did stay home with us for awhile this morning. I told him last night that maybe his priorities were wrong and that if he were home more instead of staying at work hoping for deals that aren't coming, more blessings would come our way. Its worth a try, we have done it the other way and it didn't work.

Oh, and I am pretty sure Dawson is starting to teeth. :(

My 23 1/2 month old has the hugest feelings in all the world. Josh was reading her a book this evening called "wheres my mommy" or something like that. Its about a little duck looking for her mommy. Toward the end before she finds her, a worm says something like "Your mommy is missing." I had gone to the back of the house to feed the dogs and heard her start crying. Josh said when he read that, she looked up at him and her face turned down and she started to wail. I put the book away and the poor child just sobbed in my arms because the ducky had lost her mommy. She is such a sweet heart.

Josh's hours are very hard on her. Shes getting to an age where she is starting to want to be with him more. Really becoming a daddy's girl. Its hard on her that she can't see more of him. He works until 8 every night and then has a 15 min. ride home. So thats the earliest he gets home. If he has something hes working on, he is out as late as 9. So, when Megan should really be going to bed at 9, shes playing with her daddy until 10 or so and getting over tired. I told J that we needed a bedtime routine. He has started reading to her after they play and then I nurse her to sleep. She has started telling me "no booby" because she doesn't want her time with daddy to end. In the end though, she wants me back. :) I told him tonight that she needed to see him more and that it wouldn't be a bad idea to start taking more time off when he has the opportunity. He should be able to go in late or come home early every day depending on the day and he just works because we need the money so badly. I see his point beause he doesn't know when he will miss a deal. But, I also think at this point in her life, she needs him and that God will reward him for putting his family before work. Its hard to not know where our money is going to come from week to week.

I had an idea this evening that should help Josh out. He has recently started recieving updated lists every week of people with newly discharged ch. 7 bankruptcies. He gets so many that he can't call them all so he split them up last week amoung the salesmen. He doesn't think that many of them called the contacts. I asked if that was something I could help him with and he got excited. He will make me a form to go by when I call and I will have credit apps in front of me to fill out. Supposedly this method when done correctly should yield about 10% sales. Anything to help make his job easier.

We went to story time at the library in the next county today. This library is AWESOME! Its huge and has everything. We live in the poorer county so the books available to us are older and lack variety on many subjects...especially the ones I want to read. I have to pay to have a book sent from another county. SO, I inquire about getting a membership there. It costs (ahem) $40 a year for membership!!! If it were for a lifetime my checkbook would be out in a jiffy! That just seemed ridiculous to me. The lady tried to make it sound worth it to say that included the whole family. LOL! Josh doesn't read books, and my kids aren't old enough for their own cards anyway. I guess that way they can pay to have all the cool stuff they have. Sigh, it sucks living in the poor part of town. :(

The sewing machine guy screwed me! I called on Saturday to ask that he not fix my machine, I had found someone to do it much cheaper. Well, I went by on Monday and he never opened. Tuesday, MIL went by and he was at lunch. Today Josh went before going to work and he informs Josh that he has fixed it already. GRRR! He told Josh to decide if we wanted to pay for it all or just the labor. I called and found out the same part I needed was only $10 somewhere else and the singer guy was charging $50 for it. So, I called and said we would just pay for the servicing of it. He informs me that that won't work because he remembered he had to special order the part! So, he changed the story when he was no longer talking to another man! I am so pissed but what can I do? I can't afford to pay to get it from him now, so it will sit there while I try togather up the cash to pay the man $135. I can't even pay my bills at the moment much less anything unimportant. Things just continue not to look up for us. I feel like the universe hates me. :( Nothing (not even sure things) works out for us. :(

What is it with people asking if my baby is good or not? Its a rude question to begin with. If you mean, does he sleep well, or does he cry alot, just ask me what you want to know about him. I told someone today that I had never met a bad baby. She said "Oh, I HAVE!" and went on to talk about how she had met MANY bad babies. Then she came to the conclusion by herself as I stared at her open mouthed that there were bad children and that maybe they just had no instruction. Sure, there are children that have bad behavior because they haven't been taught otherwise, but I can't call an infant bad. What is wrong with people?!

We went to the family resource center this morning and made popsicle stick picture frames. They took digital pics of the kids and will have them next week to put in the frame and we will decorate wrapping paper for them. I'm gonna have the kids give them to daddy for Christmas to put at work.

So far for Megan I have art supplies, a sesame st. video ($4 at big lots :D), and a Larry the Cucumber toy (thats kinda like a Mr. potato head) and Josh is making a play table for Megan and Dawson both. I bought Dawson a bear stuffed toy that is a rattle. Its cute but not what I really wanted for him. Oh well. If i have time, I want to paint the childsize table and chairs I picked up at a yard sale this summer. It will start out either white or blue and my plan is to pick a theme (maybe ABC's or something similar) and decorate it later. Any easy ideas?

We watched Tomb Rader last night and I realized that I know what Megan could be when she grows up. She is the most determined little girl and then add the fact that she has no fear...there ya go! I thought it was a fun movie. A little unreal in a few places. But, it was a nice escape from things for a while.

Megan has been impossible in the evenings for a few nights now. Sunday night I thought it was because she hadn't napped. But, she did nap yesterday and gave me just as many problems. I told Josh that we needed a routine now. He can do books and prayers and then I will put her to sleep. She really needs more time with him or I would have her in bed by 9. (he comes home around 8:30)

I have taken a step back from really being active with a message board or "community". I have learned in the past year that they are never what you think they are and I'm tired of the BS that goes along with them and power hungry admins. I post here and there, I'm just not picking one place and posting all over that one. I will read at a few and occasionally post my questions as I have them where I feel they will be answered best. I have my close friends in our own little group and I'm happy with spending the majority of my online time chatting with them. I don't *need* the other stuff...its fun occasionally I guess.

Oh, my poor boobies!

So, Dawson just got over a growth spurt. I'm feeling a little full and sore this evening because Megan hasn't nursed as much as normal today. This evening I was sitting on the floor with my back to the sofa and Megan fell on me holding a glass. THe glass hit me hard in the boob and I'm sure she bruised something that I can't see. It hurts like the dickens though!

M didn't nap today at all! She was still up at 9:30 and it took Josh riding her around to put her to sleep. Sigh, its been a hard night on poor ol' mama. Hoping tomorrow goes smoother.

Good night (or should I say morning) friends.

I am a completely literal person. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. There are no hidden meanings. If you say something to me, expect me to understand it exactly the way you say it to me. For example, (and you can thank Rebekka for my sharing this story with you)

When I was 17 and a senior in high school, Josh and I were dating at the time and I was at his house one winter day. There was snow on the ground that was melting away, we were walking around behind his neighbors horse pasture and had just fed the horse (whos name is Snow) an apple. Josh says to me "I've been thinking of painting snow." I look at snow and think to myself that he is looking kinda dirty from the wet mud on the ground, and look back at Josh and say as serious as I feel, "won't that make his fur stick together??" I was flabergasted that he thought he could paint a horse not realizing he meant a picture. He laughed his ass off at me and tells that story on me anytime he gets the opportunity.

Dawson was dedicated this morning at church. We went out to eat afterward at the Chinese Mile-long buffet in Lenoir. I'm kinda leary of Chinese food that I don't recognize so I ate a lot of fried rice and lo mein noodles. My fortune cookie said, "You will soon meet the person you admire." I wonder who that is!? I guess I'll know when the meeting happens. LOL