Woo Hoo! I've lost 4 more lbs~ I'm not even trying. I eat whatever I want whenever I want it. I have 15 lbs to go befrore getting back to my pre Megan weight but I would settle for 10 lbs total and some firmer legs and abs.

Megan stayed with her Nana and Papa from 10:30 to 6:00 last night! That is the longest we have ever been apart from each other except for the day D was born and we were all in the same house that day. She enjoyed herself greatly and Nana enjoyed doing it. I needed the day for just Dawson. I got a hat finished and did some laundry while he napped and the rest of the day we did the sling and played. He took some really good naps without Megan in the house too.

Last night was another bad night. Hes not getting better, but hes not getting worse. I don't know why I feel like running to the dr when I know he can't help. Its just got to run its course. We have a birthday party to go to today and I'm debating staying home or just going long enough to say Hi. Its not a kid party, so I don't think there will be many children there. I'm not decided yet. Hes on echinacea, so his immune system should be gettng stronger. Poor baby, he woke up screaming 3x last night. It seems like he couldn't breath and his throat was hurting from the sinus drainage. I'm just very frustrated with it and bothered by my feelings toward him when I get stressed from all the screaming and crying. :(

I'm speechless. I started to comment 3 times and couldn't get out what I wanted to say, maybe I'll be able to compose something and come back later. Its too sad/scary/disturbing.

Last night was another doozy. Dawson went to sleep around 7:30 like normal but woke up around 9:15 wide awake and refrested. At 12 I was losing my mind because I was so tired and he wouldn't nurse or sleep. I put him in the car where he cried and when I got him home he fell asleep in my arms with my nipple in his mouth but not latched. :( He slept all night long, woke up with a completely dry diaper and refused to nurse. I called my friend/midwife and had her read to me from a book on it. I guess that he is still being bothered by his ear/cold. I got him in the sling in an upright position and he nuzzled and then nursed. PHEW! I was getting really sore on that side and Megan wasn't interested for once. :/ Hes acting like normal now thankfully.

Megan is spending the morning with her Nana and Papa. They went to Bob Evans for lunch. I hope they remember she is wearing panties. The panties btw are going well. :) SHe has had some accidents, but for the most part she is doing very well and staying dry during naptime. We are proud of course. :)

Josh will be bringing home the old Camaro tonight and as soon as its sold, he will be looking for me something cheap to drive. I wish we could get enough to buy something outright, but most likely we will have to finance a little. It will still save us bookoos of money and give us the opportunity to get out of this mess.

Last night was the hardest night of my life. Thankfully it only lasted an hour but I have never heard a baby scream like Dawson was. He woke up at 11:30 or so and couldn't get back to sleep until almost 1. Then about and hour later he was awake again for an hour. He screamed and screamed and I finally gave him a dose of tylenol. All I knew was my baby was hurting and I couldn't figure out how to make him comfortable. He passed some stinky gas finally relaxed enough to nurse to sleep in the sling and he slept good after that. I thought after the gas that maybe his tummy was upset and then it dawned on me that Megan acted like that when her ear hurt. So, I'm gonna just treat it like an ear infection and go on. If its not, the garlic oil won't hurt him. Poor baby!

The whole time he screamed I wanted to bash my own head with a bat! My jaws were exploding with tension and pain. My lower back hurts this morning. I need an adjustment bad!

I am really miffed at J's employer. On the 9th of this month, he was there 90 days. We still dont' have insurance. Well, we do have dental, but nothing else. :( Actually until Monday of this week, the insurance company didn't even have our application and the office mgr couldn't give an explanation why because he had filled it out. So, he filled out another one and now we wait for our packet. This really ticks me off. Josh and I don't have any coverage at the moment and the kids have medicaid which I hate because I don't like the dr. I signed them under. The idiot doesn't test for strep before handing out abx unless there is another baby in the home. He also just passes them out for every ear infection. I won't go back to him, I don't trust him. :(

My TMJ is acting up today. :( All my stress goes strait to my jaws. I've been grinding my teeth since I was about 6 or so. I had surgery when I was 20 and I've been wearing the same bite splint since I was 19 but 24 hours a day since the surgery. Its falling apart and needs to be replaced badly but we don't have the funds yet to get it done. When I get my insurance card, I'll see about getting it replaced, but it won't be cheap! The only permanent fix for the situation is for me to get braces. My teeth only touch in one place, the back right side molars. I have to wear this thing to chew. :(:( I'm in terrible pain tonight, I have been trying lavendar essential oil to relieve the stress in my jaws. I feel a little better. Untensing when you can even pinpoint the exact thing that is stressing you out is not easy.

My brother called it off with his internet romance woman. Apparently she freaked out on him when she tried to call this past weekend and he was at my sister's house visiting (my mom is up there.). Said he wasn't there for her or some bs. He said he couldn't be with her anymore(were they *really* together? They never even met). SHe is still trying to contact him by email, yahoo messenger and phone. I want my brother to be happy, but this woman has never sat well with me. I'm a pretty reactionary person, but this woman takes the prize. She was ready to up and move her family (2 small children) to Israel after 9/11 so she could be with her people. (she is Jewish). That wouldn't be an odd statement if she were a nurse or someone that could be of help over there. She is a realtor and the middle east is no place to take your children and live without good reason for being there. She was talked out of it by her father and Rabbi. There were alot of things about her that didn't sit right with me and I'm glad my bro was able to see she was wacko and move on.

I too am gonna steal Katie's idea, Today I am thankful for:

My warm house
My great kids
That Dawson is feeling better
That I am married to a wonderful man who treats me well
For this BIG bowl of cookies and cream ice cream in front of me. :)

Note to self: Learn more about Homeopathy so you can discuss it intelligently.

Dawson is having a hard week. Hes sick. :( I did have his lungs checked out by my midwife yesterday and the lower lungs are clear so I'm giving him echinacea and waiting it out since he hasn't had a fever. He had a bad night last night but seems to be a tad better this afternoon except hes not resting well. Poor baby is teething too still. I figure I'll see the top teeth soon.

I'll probably have a new vehicle by the end of the week. I'm not sure what it will be, but whatever it is, I'll just be glad for it. I'm not worried anymore about having a fancy SUV, I'd far prefer an old minvan or sedan with less than 1/2 the payment. I will be sad if I don't have a CD player in it though, it can be added of course later.

Before I go, I want to know, please tell me...Do men really find Sarah Jessica Parker to be attactive? I have never seen her look good in a movie and the other night at the Golden Globes, she looked downright silly IMO. I've never been a fashion maven though so what do I know?

Megan is wearing her underwear all day everyday now. She loves them and is napping in them right now...that I'm a little nervous about though I gotta say.

Dawson is sitting up pretty good on his own. He topples after about 20 seconds so he still needs practice. He has 2 teeth now. Can't remember (and don't feel like checking) if I mentioned that Megan got 2 of her molars...I'm thinking now that her fever was due to that. Can't be sure, doesn't matter now.

I can't figure out what would make someone doubt themselves so much that they would run to an online community over every little issue in their life. I mean, I have asked my share of simple questions, especially in the early days of being a new mom. But, if I had to pee, I peed. Unless my baby was already crying, setting him/her down for 30 seconds to do what I needed to do, wasn't going to throw her that far out of sorts. I kept a little seat with me to use when I needed to do something like chop veggies. I didn't use a sling for Megan, but I am finding it to be a life-saver with Dawson. I've even converted several friends and strangers too. ('m wishing I had them to sell! I should be asking for commission from the woman I have sent everyone to.) Its a sad thing that our society has thrown a mom's intuition to the wind. When the mom comes along that tries to listen to it, she doesnt' know what shes hearing because her programing is all out of whack. Then her MIL comes along and says "Let me give the baby some cereal/bottle of water/peas and you go out for a few hours! You need to get away" and the young mom listens and regrets it for the rest of her life. I'll be sure to tell my children when they are grown that I made some big screw ups by not listening to my heart when they (mostly Megan) were babies. I want them always to trust that small quiet voice in them. Sometimes that voice is unavoidable, yet mom's still do the wrong thing by their children. :( Babies really aren't that hard to take care of physially. Emotioanlly they are a little bit more stressful, but their basic needs are so few.