Ignorance abounds
Or maybe its just stupidity. The woman I have mentioned before (the one with koolade bottles who was evicted yet had cable tv and internet right til the end) came online this morning and I said hi and asked where she was living now. She was moved the first time into crisis housing in a very violent neighborhood. They were scared for their lives and got moved again. She said that her husband was out of town when the move happened and he wasn't on the lease so the housing authority won't let him live with them.(she says they are trying to get it fixed but there is lots of govt. red tape in the way) He is living across town with friends...her fucking husband. ITs not like hes some out of town friend who is trying to bunk with them. Ok, so thats not even the worst of it though. Neither of them are working and she tells me exstatically that their 4 bedroom place costs only $50 a month and the cable got turned on today and the phone will be on tomorrow. HOW THE FUCK do you pay your rent much less the bills if you have no income? How long can they milk the system before someone is forced to be responsible and get a fucking job? Is public assistance allowed to be used to pay for things like cable tv/internet? I get the point of food stamps and I'm thankful that we dont' need them. I get the point of low cost housing and I'm thankful we don't need it either. I'm glad they exist for short term use occasionally when people's lives fall apart. (though I wish that American's were would take it upon themselves to help people in need instead of refer everyone to social services) I realize that people have a hard time in life but if you are at the point where you are in public housing and your own husband isn't even allowed to live with you, and no one has a job, then something needs to change. I just sat here in shock. I do suspect that her dh is depressed because I can't imagine a man with two kids and a wife just not working for no reason. She though could be working second shift and has not done a thing about getting work either. It frustrates me to no end and I don't know how I could help them. I certainly don't think that continuing to give people like that money is a good thing until I remember they have 2 kids...those kids are the only reason they should be getting anything from anyone. I hate to feel that way but its true. :(

I feel so relieved

Josh got paid today and I am SOOOO relieved that we have the money to pay all our bills. We paid most of them last month but had to leave off the biggest ones and we are a month behind on the Blazer so we do have the money to play catch up and I delivered the rent to Josh' parents this afternoon. They were of course happy because this year has been hit or miss month to month what we could give them. Josh has sold 3 cars already for Sept. and has his "draw" covered already. That feels good!!! I made veggie pizza and some lemon bars to celebrate. He brought home beer, wine and hard lemonade and we are getting sloshed. LOL

A year later, I got the pictures developed from Dawson's homebirth! Geez, you think I'm a procrastinator? LOL I did have the ones from the digital camera but none of me holding him or of us after the birth, etc... They are beautiful and I can't believe I didn't get them sooner, I just could never remember to. So, in Sam's Club I did the 1 hour developing while we shopped. On the way to the store though, I had 2 things happen that had me majorly shook up. THe first thing was an idiot in a big truck that went across 2 lanes of traffic and it was the closest near miss I have ever seen before. Right in front of me in the right lane was a little red nissan and she didn't even see him coming. She missed his truck by inches literally. Then on the interstate, a guy got right behind me (both in the left lane) and was just right on my ass. I couldn't get over and I couldn't go faster because there were people ahead of me. So when I finally can move over to the right lane, he moves over too and takes an exit a little ways up. The moron could have slowed down and then gotten over when the truck next to us went on but he had to pass it first. Big ass-hole! When I finally got my family to Sam's safe and sound, I was standing right in side the door making a game plan with my mom and my friend Tammy came in with her husband and 2 year old. She touched me on the shoulder and I turned around and practically jumped out of my shoes. I felt like a moron. lol I had good reason to be edgy though. MOm got MEgan some lunch and I got the dogfood and diapers (sposies for night time) and picante and then we wandered around eating snacks for the nest little bit til my pictures were done. I love that store as much as I hate it. MOm got D a cute outfit for a Christmas present and we went home.

My brother calls and says he has an opportunity for me to make a bunch of money. I figured he was full of it when I talked to him and now that I've done a little bit of research on the item he wants to sell, I know he is. He thinks he has a MIB electric game that is worth thousands and after a little bit of checking, I figure its worth no more than $40. ROFL

it amazes me what people will say
and it amazes me more what people will believe. Last night this dude running for the senate seat (I think hes running against Elizabeth Dole) for the democrat party was on TV saying that the "best way to honor those that died on Sept 11, 2001 was to vote in the primarys on Sept 10." What a bunch of bull shit! My mom goes on to say "thats right!" and look at me because she knows that 1)I can't vote in the primary and 2)If I could vote, there would be certain elections I wouldn't cast a vote in because of personal contradicting beliefs. SHe thinks that is the ultimate sin...to have the right to vote and not do it. Contrary to what she says, I believe that choosing not to vote is casting a vote.

Anyway, back to what that guy said, you could substitute anything for vote and it would make just as much sense...go to a prayer meeting, pay your taxes,donate blood, donate money...whatever your cause. None of those things would make me feel any better if I were the family member of someone who lost their life in those attacks and some of them I would find slighly offensive. (including the vote one.)

Heh Heh Heh

Josh just left the house alone with both kids. Ok, so hes just returning a movie a few miles away and doesn't have to get out of the car, but its a start, right? LOL

Josh took today and tomorrow off to help his dad with the wood floors on our house. He got called in around 3:30 to work on a deal. Before he left, he got a call from some people that he thought were a lost cause last night and they are coming in at 4:00 tomorrow afternoon and a deal that has been in limbo is going to get finished tomorrow as well!! Not only did we end Aug on a good note, September has started with an explosion. I forget who posted it at yaaps, but the Aug. horoscope for Leo's was that there would be a big financial turn around. I don't put much faith in horoscopes, but have always believed that there was *something* to them. I just don't base my life's planning on them. Anyway, I believe that WE laid the groundwork for the turn around. We put our faith into work and made it happen. It wasn't luck of the draw OR all in the stars.

I can't wait til they announce the winner of American Idol. I can't complain either way since I didn't vote, but I'm pulling for Kelly to win it.

I've got myself all in a tizzy
I just vamped up my hair and makeup. I've got on thick eyeliner and 3 layers of mascara. Bright cheekbones and subtle lips. The part Josh is gonna like best is the tight boy panties and better yet, I gave myself a really skinny shave down below. :) I can't wait til the kids go to bed tonight!

I went to the meeting
And now I'm upset with myself. One of my flaws (as I see it) is taht I am not asservite enough. If there is a conversation going on and I don't agree with something, I practically lose my voice or I feel like I can't get a word in so I just sit there with my thoughts. Today the speaker talked about Boundaries and it was an awesome talk. I don't personally feel like I have a problem with setting boundaries. Sometimes I struggle with exactly where the line has to be, but I am not overly rigid or permissive either. Being at AMU and Yaaps has been great for me in that sense, well not that only, but I digress. After he talked, we sat down to discuss it and the woman I talked about earlier admitted that she was too rigid, so maybe she will do some evaluating. One other lady said that she had trouble with power struggles with her 4 year old. I have never had a 4 year old and just sat there trying to come up with something to suggest to her. My friend Tammy brought up choosing battles carefully and offering choices. I think I threw in a thought or 2 and then she went on to talk about maybe she should have started letting her cry sooner. She talked about when the 4 year old was a baby she wanted to answer her because it was just so pitiful. I sat there trying to get my thoughts together and then it just moved on and I never got in a word. I wish now I had spoken up and at least told her that babies don't cry to be pitiful, but I didn't and now I am mad at myself. Maybe I'll do better next time. I at least got myself warmed up to the group and was happy that I knew almost all of them. (the mom with the 4 year old was not someone I knew). Tammy and I just sat and smiled at each other because she knew what I was thinking even if I didn't say it. I need to work on my poker face. lol I have spoken up with Tammy before, but we are close and its so much easier in a one on one setting to talk about things indepth and I do better one on one. So, now that I know how it feels to want to say something and not say it, I will do better next time. I have to because this feels like hell. :(
It was interesting to see the one woman admit she was too rigid (one of the reasons I didn't care for her) and I look forward to seeing if she works on that. I do feel good after hearing the talk on boundaries that I am doing things right. The speaker is our churches marriage and family counselor and I think he will be the one I call when I'm ready for Josh and I to get some counseling. We need to now, because we are not on the same page and I think having a specific place and time away from the kids to get things worked out amoung us with some mediation would be really helpful for us but I'm not ready to leave Dawson for too long. I did put him in the childcare (M stayed with Nana) and he did well for an hour and got tired. He cried a minute and Tammy told Jan (our church's minister to women) that I didn't like to leave him crying so she brought him to me. It was interesting because about 3 minuted before T brought him to me, I started feeling like he needed me. It was really strange. I wanted to hear the last part of his talk because he was talking about family dynamics and it was interesting.
Oh well, I'm glad I went, for the most part it was fun.

My church is starting a mom's group this morning in an hour and I was planning to go. I don't know why but I don't feel like it. I need to get out and make friends, blah blah blah... Megan won't stay in the childcare though and the leader is someone that I pretend to get along with, but don't really like. ugh! I guess I will call MIL and see if she would like to spend some time with Megan. (if she can)

1. I am 26
2. I was almost born on the way to the hospital
3. My daddy got pulled over by the policeman on the way to the hospital.
4. I am the 3rd of 4 children.
5. I was born 14 years after the 2nd born and 2 1/2 years before the last born.
6. I went to Christian school until 8th grade.
7. I was accepted into a show choir when I was in 10th grade.
8. We moved 10 weeks later.
9. I was 15
10. I hated the "choir" that was available at my new high school and quit after 10th grade.
11. I was still active in the youth choir at church though.
12. I have been on 3 mission trips to myrtle beach
13. We did daycamps and ministered to children during the day.
14. At night we performed concerts at various spots
15. I sang "Hero" (solo) at the mall in myrtle beach.
16. I met Josh when I was 16 in Chemistry class.
17. He was in lust with my butt.
18. So was his best friend.
19. That butt is long gone. lol
20. I have accepted the new butt. rofl
21. Before I dated Josh I had 4 other guys that I dated or thougth about dating.
22. One of those guys I was pretty hot and heavy with.
23. We broke up because I wouldn't sleep with him.
24. He was very possessive and it was starting to bother me anyway.
25. Another guy started stalking me and freaked me out.
26. The other 2 were older and never moved beyond talking stage.
27. I almost convinced myself that Josh and I were just friends
28. He won and we had our first date on Valentines day 1993.
29. He drove me down to the river and played "The Dance" by Garth Brooks
30. We danced and then he kissed me.
31. It freaked me out and I withdrew from him.
32. I got over it and a month later I was wearing his class ring.
33. After graduation we both went to the community college (harvard on the highway)
34. We soon began an Amway "business."
35. That was a big mistake
36. We no longer talk to any of our associates except some that were not directly linked with us that we go to church with.
37. I still use Amway laundry products
38. I did not renew last year for the first time.
39. We got married on Aug 16, 1997
40. We went to Disney World for our honeymoon.
41. We stayed at the Contemporary Resort.
42. We lived in a one bedroom house for the first 15 months.
43. We now live in the same house that Josh grew up in.
44. Megan was concieved on Josh's 23rd birthday.
45. The events of her birth are one of my biggest regrets in life.
46. Megan has taught me more than I could ever teach her
47. Dawson was concieved while using a condom.
48. There are no more children in our plans for many years.
49. My favorite foods are italian and mexican
50. My favorite color is green
51. I don't eat meat unless it is called pepperoni
52. I eat fish too
53. I was spanked as a child
54. Mom hit us with "switches"
55. I will never EVER strike my child with a stick
56. I have spanked. :(
57. It has been very hard for me to move beyond the way I was treated in times of stress.
58. I am reprograming my mind everyday and taking them one day at a time.
59. I spent 3 years working in a daycare in college.
60. My first job was a "gofer" for the local govt. offices
61. I loved working in the EMS dept.
62. I also worked for about 6 months as a pharmacy tech.
63. I liked that job too.
64. I am a libertarian
65. I am proud of the fact that Dawson has never had a bottle nor have I pumped milk to give him in any other way.
66. He was 8-9 months before he ate food.
67. I think cantelope was his first food.
68. My biggest fear is of my child falling from a high place.
69. I have visions in my mind of this happening sometimes.
70. I always feel sick to my stomach afterwards and feel helpless to protect them.
71. I learned to crochet last summer
72. I have made the same project over and over again since then. (hats)
73. My dream car is a Honda Odessy
74. If I knew I wouldnt' have more kids I would pick a Volvo wagon
75. I have visions of Megan being a famous perfomer.
76. Sometimes its acting, sometimes dance and sometimes gymnastics
77. My favorite style of home decor is shabby chik. (sp?)
78. The older I get, the more liberal (or openminded) I get.
79. I have a major sweet tooth.
80. I just ate a piece of cake and a small scoop of ice cream.
81. I struggle with materialism.
82. My dream house is a log cabin on acreage in the mountains.
83. One toenail is painted green glitter
84. I stopped with one because it looked horrid. :P
85. My favorite tv show is friends.
86. My favorite episode is the one where the girls lose their apt. to the boys.
87. My favorite show of all time is Seinfeld.
88. In 5 years I hope to be pregnant or have a newborn and be living in a home that we own.
89. In 10 years I hope to be debt free and persuing a career (or doing some volunteer work) on a regular basis.
90. I hope that it is related to birth or breastfeeding.
91. I don't think my calling is "midwife" though.
92. I'm not sure I'll be done having babies in 10 years, I'm leaving that part up to God.
93. I will be the a co-teacher in the 2 year old Sunday School class next starting in Oct.
94. I just cleaned up pink marker on our carpet.
95. My next chore is to fold more laundry (does it ever end?)
96. I don't have any favorite music. Lately I've listened to a lot of The Manhatten Transfer.
97. I'm irritated that PBS just decided to change their morning schedule and put Whiney boy on when Sesame St. was supposed to be on!
98. I'll get over it and maybe we won't keep the tv on as much.
99. Megan's new favorite toy is a water inner tube with tweety bird on it.
100. Megan's noodle water is ready...time to go finish lunch. ;)

The party went great!

It was small but very nice. My mom, dh's parents, one great grandmother, Courtney and her kids and Aunt RaRa were there. He got clothes, socks, hats, toys and a gc for new shoes. I think we are going to go see about the shoes tomorrow since he is wanting to be down outside so much more. His socks will do for inside (or his Bobux shoes). I made a cake and gave him his own little piece to play in. It was fun and we got it on tape. I missed a bunch of it serving everyone else so I can't wait to go back and watch it. We gave Megan a piece when she turned 1, but she wasn't too interested in it. D on the other hand got down and dirty with it. :P

My house is clean! I can't believe it. I am going to try so hard to keep it this way now. I jsut got all the crap out of the Blazer and I'm going to organize it here in a minute. I'm so tired of clutter!

Tomorrow morning we are going to go see Courtney's new log house and visit for a few hours. After nap we will go to Hancock Fabrics for their Labor Day sale. The pattern to make M's Cinderella dress for Christmas is going to be on sale for 99 cents and all the notions are 1/2 price so I'm going to get the stuff I need to make aprons with. Robin and I got some sewing done last night but not much. Now that my machine is back out, we are going to do more work on Tuesday evening.
'night all!