Boy have there been some emotions in this house tonight! Megan was on my very last nerve and it was crumbling quickly! Shes been whining non-stop all evening. Dawson was asleep by 8pm because he hardly napped today and she managed to wake him up an hour later as she screamed her head off over the boundaries I was giving her. I can't stand the way she paws at me while she nurses. On top of that she has started kinda biting on me and it hurts and leaves marks. I insisted she open wider and she insisted that she wasn't going to so I put her in the floor where she tantrummed. I had to go get D back to sleep and Josh eventually got Megan out of the living room. He got her calmed down but refused to hold her until she stopped screaming. That doesn't work for me but I guess there isn't any harm done in having a different method. After a few minutes she came in and told me she was sorry and gave me a kiss. Then her and daddy laid down on the couch for a book and she was out cold within a few minutes. I guess its another case of full moon syndrome.

My MIL bought me a bottle of Emeril's Roasted Garlic spagetti sauce yesterday. I really liked it but Josh wasn't impressed and Megan said it burned her tongue. oh well, more for me. lol

Found this at Laura's:
urvey I found online to help you know me just a little better:

How often do you cry?
as often as I need too.


What makes you cry the easiest?
One of my kids crying and money issues.

What makes you really happy?
my family, time alone to sew or crochet


Has anyone close to you ever died?
A woman from church that I knew and loved died suddenly of an anuerism a few years ago, a few people I knew in high school died and that was hard to deal with.


Has anyone close to you ever committed suicide?
no but my maternal grandfather did way before I was born.


How many funerals have you been to?
lots, can't remember exactly


Have you ever cried over the death of a celebrity?
No


What would be the scariest way to die?
Falling


What do you do in your spare time?
sew, crochet, surf the web and read


What are some of your favorite restaurants?
Ruby Tuesdays, McGuffys and Red Lobster


What time do you wake up in the morning?
7-8


What is your natural sleeping pattern?
On my side holding a pillow smooshed between 2 children or one child and the edge of the bed.


What made you decide to have sex for the first time?
I was married. lol


Were you in love?
yes!


What's your preferred method of birth control?
right now condoms but they aren't really prefered, just used.

Have you ever had a one-night stand?
no

How many rooms does your house have?
7 rooms. Our new house will have 7 as well except here we have a dining room and our other house's extra room is a play/school/sewing room. 2 baths and 2 bedrooms each.


What would be your ideal living arrangement?
A log house on acreage in the mountains or on a farm in Michigan.


How many times have you moved in your life?
3 that I participated in. once when I was a baby.


What city/state would you like to live in?
Michigan


Have you ever lived on your own?
Never


What do you do on weekends?
Saturdays are just another day of the week. Sundays we go to church and spend time with family.


Do you enjoy alone time?
in the rare moments when I get it, yes!


If you were stranded at home for a weekend without a computer or a TV, what would you do to entertain yourself?
turn off the phone and sew


What is one thing you would love to learn?
knitting


If there were a book about your life, what would it be called?
I don't know right now.


What word or phrase best describes your sense of style?
safe (but I'm working on that)


What's your favorite article of clothing?
tan capris


Describe a typical outfit you'd wear to work/school.
low rise blue jeans with kahki stretch button up shirt OR tan capris with navy babydoll tee


What fashion "season" are you?
fall


How long does it take you to get ready to go out on the weekend?
fifteen minutes


Sum up your life right now in 5-10 words:
full of blessings and challenges


Current mood:
a little down


Current music:
Veggie Tales Sunday School songs (not my choice of course. lol)

Current taste:
water


Current hair:
darl blond chin length and flipped up on the end.


Current annoyance:
budget


Current scent:
lavender


Current meaningless thought:
where are my groceries going to come from


Current longing:
For Megan to quit whining at me.

I dont' know why I try
I was looking at the classified adds this morning and noticed 3 jobs that the welfare lady's husband might be interested in. She was online so I IM'ed her and told her and asked if he would be interested in them. She says "maybe, I'm not sure." So I said, "Does that mean he might have found something?" She says "no, I'm just not sure how motivated he is anymore." How many more reasons do you need to be motivated if you have 2 kids and a wife living on food stamps and govt assistance and living in crisis housing? The real thing that gets me is that he has a career. He is a mechanic specializing in diesel trucks afaik and one of the jobs was for an experienced diesel mechanic. I am feeling like I have helped this family all I can and need to move on. She invited us to a birthday party at her house but I'm feeling like we won't go. I know its a shitty attitude on my part but there are more reasons than just this one.

I woke up with a horrible pain in my jaw this morning. I need to see if MIL has any passionflower pills. I hope I'm not grinding my teeth at night. I've not been feeling stressed about anything so I don't know why I would unless it was subconsiously over the check that bounced this week. I'm not sure where it happened either but I wasn't feeling that worried about it in general. My bite splint is going on 7 years old and is in really bad shape so I know that alone could be the reason I'm in pain. I hope I can afford to do something about it fairly soon.

I went through some old bookmarks the other night in my "Natural Parenting" file. I threw out everything but Yaaps, Complete Mother and MamaSis. I decided to check on a few of them though beforeI dumped them and was shocked what I found out at Mango Mama. I guess I'm behind on that whole drama (not that I was ever a regular there, I did enjoy her journal and checkd out a few boards sometimes). Evidently at the beginning of July, she left her husband and her kids and ran off with some boyfriend to live in a tent in the woods. She left them with no food and little belongings and someone posted (how they know I don't know, it sounded like they might have talked to Jen's husband) that she had been leaving the kids at home alone for some time to go off with this guy. How sick and sad is that? If she is going through mental problems I hope she gets help for her family's sake. Regardless of whether her and her dh get back together, her kids still need her.

Megan went to church tonight with Josh! We were all going to go because the message was going to be on the Biblical POV on war and Josh wanted to hear it. Around 6:30 Dawson got really sleepy acting and I decided to stay home. Megan really wanted to go though so Josh took her to her class and left her with Tammy and she was fine. Hopefully this issue she has with church is over now! Dawson went to sleep though and woke up immediatly and within 30 minutes was screaming his head off. I'm not sure what the deal is. In some ways it seems like Hand Foot Mouth but there isn't any fever and so far I can't see any sores in his mouth so I'm just waiting this out.

Jay Leno just showed his "jaywalking" segment and OMG there are some morons in this country! He asked one girl who won the Civil War and she says "Geez, I don't think I was born then." Another guy was like "we did." He asked another guy if we had ever had a war with Mexico and he says "I don't know but we should." LOL

How do you explain to a 2 year old that she can't play with the deceased bunny that the cat just carried down the driveway? We were sitting in the garage this morning and Megan was riding her bike while J and I ate and Dawson walked around. In runs the cat with a bunny rabbit and he climbs under my blazer with it. He proceeds to play with it and Megan thinks this is hilarious and wants to play too. GAG! She was really depressed that we wouldn't let her play too. I really wish she would nap right now but she refuses as her daddy is home.
Josh is doing all the yard work for the dealership now. Sunday he has to mow, spread mulch and cut down a few small trees. He will be paid nicely though and said he would let me take some and get some clothes or fabric to make me a few things for winter. Everything from last year is either falling off of me or pretty close to it. :)

I found an intersting site this morning when I was navigating the Made by Mom webring. Its a commentary on Breastfeeding in the Bible. She says that Moses, Samuel and Isaac were all weaned at around age 5 and that Isaac had a weaning party when that happened. Josh and I had the discussion the other night about how long I intended to let Megan nurse. At this point I am comfortable with 4. I want her to wean by the time she is 5. I am just feeling all kinds of icky these days because she wants to nurse everytime Dawson needs to. We have discussed the right way to ask me, the appropriate places for nursing Megan as well as that we only nurse one baby at a time when we are places like my parents or IL's house. She still just plops up on top of me and demands that she needs "booby too." Usually at home I just let her but I wonder if that is the right decision to make. This is certainly uncharted territory for most of my friends and family so saying anything remotly negative about my feelings regarding nursing her is a no-no because I'll just hear people comment that I need to wean her already. Its a shame our society wants babies to grow up so fast.

Boy I am pissed!
My parents left for Michigan this morning. Mom made a big deal of making sure daddy gave her his medical records because he is supposed to be going to the cardiologist first thing in the morning for a second opinion. Well, guess what. They left them on the dresser and mom left her cell phone in the car in Charlotte with Thomas's cell phone number in it. So, I can't get in touch with Thomas (who I just found out quit another job btw!) to have him meet us or bring them to us. Josh can't sleep in in the morning because he has to get up and go strait into work to fax a mound of medical records to the dr. in Michigan and I'm just plain pissed about this. Well, I have issues about them even going up there in the first place. My sister IM'ed me this morning and said that our brother was feeling apprehensive about them going up. He should be. I'm sure he's feeling like he had no business saying the things he did about daddy in the first place and now mom feels like she has to go fix something. Of course I would have gone too if my son felt like his whole life was a waste...he definiltly needs help. H (my sis) said he had been going to counseling for a little while and she was seeing a small difference, so thats good. Megan should be asleep when they get back so Josh and I can sit down and watch a movie together and be alone for a little while.

2 more days til Survivor! WOO HOO!

I hate changing seasons
Every year at spring and fall, my skin goes through horrific changes. I peel, I itch, no amount of lotions or creams help. Its all over my body. My face of course is the worst looking. If I try to put on makeup, it looks all scaley and horrid. I hate my skin! I don't know what else to try without spending way more money than I can afford at the moment. I've not tried making my own yet but I guess I should. I'm afraid of start up costs. I've tried to use olive oil for the most part all summer and its done great but it is doing nothing for this skin now!

Megan's gymnastics went well. I think she would do well in the older class though tbh. She is physically way beyond the skills they were doing today. Hopefully it was just slow because its the first class. I really hope they can do some things to challenge her. Of course I realize that her having fun is the main point, but she can have fun for free. Hell, we can have fun at home. I want her to get something out of it, yk? I plan on talking to the coach next week to see exactly what skills he plans on working on and will tell him what the other coach said to me about her last time. She still says she wants to be a ballerina :) I am going to look into lessons for dance after the first of the year.
We went to my parents house after naptime and had dinner with them. Well, just mom really. Daddy had to call the optomotrist right at 5:00 and be seen immediatly this afternoon. His eye was killing him (but he refused to let anyone take him) and it ended up that he had a cyst on his eyelid that had to be cut off. He was sent home with a patch and antibiotic ointment. On the way home I stopped to get gas and just drove on through. There were 2 men standing outside the door just loitering beside the community bulliten board. They may have been harmless but my gut told me not to get out of the car. When there is no one around, I can lock the door, engage the alarm and run in to give the clerk the money in about 20 seconds but it didn't feel right to get out and stand around pumping gas so I repected that feeling in me. I have just heard of way too many adult kidnapping/rape stories lately. {shudder} I decided I had enough gas to get home and go back tomorrow morning. The whole way home scenarios just kept running through my mind.
Josh brought home a movie for Megan. I can't think of the name and I'm too lazy to get up and look at the case, but its a muppet movie that just came out about the early years of Kermit the Frog. It was cute but at 11:00 Megan is just now in the bed. I know insisting on a nap this afternoon which turned into almost 3 hours didn't help but she was up by 7:00 and didn't go to bed until almost 10 last night. Woo Hoo for Josh though, he sold a van tonight and made a pretty penny off it. :)
I got to chat with one of my oldest friends tonight but she got cut off without warning and didn't come back. :( I have known Diana since kindergarten. I am still friends with 2 girls I went to kdg with actually. Di and I went through some wonderful and tough times together through the years. I spent my teen angsty yeas with her as well. I guess we'll have to continue catching up in email.

If anyone has seen my green music block, I need it back. Thanks! :P

Gosh there sure are some whiney people out there in the internet land. Whats more frustrating though is to see people who I like being vilified and run-off because of someone else's insecurities. Long, long ago, before I figured out where I stood in the whole online alterna-world, I left a website over a situation where I felt uncomfortable. That was MY problem and I left. It shouldn't have been up to me to tell someone else how to post their thought. The people in question IMO have been VERY different these past months and I think its bullshit to tell them how to post their own thoughts. Even Kathywhatthefuck (ROFL KWK) IMO has cleaned up her potty mouth. haha

Wow! we got quite a bit of rain this weekend. But it fell steadily so there weren't any flash floods (in our area anyway). A couple of weeks ago when it rained really hard one night, two enormous sinkholes fell in the parking lot of a resteraunt in Hickory. The rest. was full but only one car fell in, a brand new Corvette. With all the rain, those holes grew another 4 feet this weekend. That poor owner is probably going to have to declare bk. The city of Hickory is accepting no responsibility at this time because they didn't install the drain pipes in that area. The rest. hasn't even been open a year either. One of the holes is about 10 feet from the front door now and it looks eminent that the rest will close permanently.
It wasn't an exciting weekend by any means but I feel like I got some stuff done. I got Megan's Cinderella dress mostly cut out and ready to start on soon. Yesterday I finished painting in our bedroom and helped Josh put together the linen cabinet for our bathroom. I picked 3 small canteloupes off our vines too. One was really bitter but the other 2 taste sweet.
Megan starts gymnastics today finally! :) I'll update after that.